Untitled.

On: Ingrid Michaelson - Breakable

Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?

Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts.

So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,

And to stop the muscle that makes us confess.

Ok so last night I went to a very different baby shower. It was really a baby shower/rock concert. I met Fran in college and she's a sweetheart. She met Rafael in a party and started going out, their relationship moved on quite fast and in less than a year they were already living together and like 2 months later she got pregnant.

She's 5 months pregnant now and they looked so happy together yesterday. During the concert they showed images of Fran's ultrasound and at midnight she took over the microphone and announced that they're expecting a boy and his name will be Gabriel. As soon as that happened I looked around and I realized most people were emotional and some girls were actually crying. It made me wonder why wasn't I all touched by the news that were actually exciting.

Then I also realized most people who were there went in couples.. husband and mrs, boyfriends and girlfriends, enganged couples. There were probably 5 single people there, me included. So it's definitely true what they say.. you start dating so you instantly get closer to people who are also dating. More things in common i guess.

In psychology we learn that you operate according to what you know and you act and react to things according to your available repertoire and this repertoire is formed by all your life experiences.. it's as if your brain had this huge file cabinet where it stores all your memories and experiences and all possible alternatives you have when facing several situations, however, when you face a new situation your brain instantly opens the file cabinet and tries to come up with a solution, usually based on previous experiences, there's a fifty fifty percent change it will work or not.

For instance, all the basic ideas you got about how you should behave in front of strangers or how to hold a fork while having a meal.. you have to learn somewhere and then you will incorporate that to your way of living. The same thing happens with your perspective towards life and relationships. Inevitably you learn a bunch of things by observing, not consciently though, it's like, most people who try really hard not to be like their parents end up doing so without realizing it, specially in stressful situations where they have absolutely no control over their words. Once they calm down they realize how similar they behave when compared to their parents.. but ok, I'm drifiting.

When watching my friends yesterday I started to think about all these things... marriage and kids and a long term relationship.. not long term but one for life, I really don't intend on getting married just so I can divorce when I get bored. That's the thing though, it's such a huge deal. It's sharing a house and the bills and a bed. It means having to deal constantly with someone else's likes and dislikes and constant negotiation, trying to keep things in balance, trying to make it work. But then I thought I'm not the first or the last person on earth who's gonna go through that and I don't think it's supposed to be this rational and it seems the reason why it's been working it's cause they keep it simple. Fran was never the brightest or the fastest in college, she's pretty much oblivious about most things.. So maybe ignorance is bliss afterall.

My parents were constantly fighting when I was growing up and their marriage only started working after 20 years, and I don't want that. My idea of a relationship might be quite twisted, I admit. I think today my worst fear is getting trapped in an unhappy life and it would be even worse to have in mind it was my decision.

The more I meet guys over here the more it makes me hopeless. I hate the way they talk about marriage, as if they were forced into it, forced to propose and have a family... or about their current girlfriends, I don't want to be one of those bitter girlfriends that stick to their boyfriends even when they're hardly ever there or when they demand changes. I met this gilr in college who looked like a barbie doll, beautiful and tall and leggy and blonde but the boyfriend constantly told her she was fat and she should get some silicone, not that she wasn't beautiful already but that would make him love her even more. She would tell us that with such pride... and over a piece of chocolate cake 'cause her boyfriend would never let her eat that if he were around. One day, I met the boyfriend.. the guy's got a huge nose and spots all over his face and suffers from a total lack of personality.. I was at least surprised. They are engaged and they will get married this month. So is it me who's too intolerant or is the world going mad?

Of course I strongly disagree but I respect, people have their reasons to go through with some things but still... In my opinion, when you're in a relationship you should always: 1) treat it like it has enough potential to turn into something serious; 2) Every time something new and shocking and different or just unpleasant rises, ask yourself: how big of a deal that is to you/ can you let it go?/how much does it affect you?/ in ten years will you still be able to let it go? Can you see yourself dealing with that the same way you do now?

There's no point crossing our own limits for other people and yet, we always do.